My name is Deania, and this is my Testimony…

When I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior!

I grew up in Louisville, KY in a rural part called Pleasure Ridge Park in the 1960’s – 70’s.

We were a big family, four boys and three girls.  I was the second youngest.  My parents raised us to be respectful to others and their property and have a manner always saying; please, thank you, yes sir and yes ma’am.  To help others with love and kindness.

My childhood was pretty normal like every other family; play outside most the day with the neighborhood kids.  Both my parents worked two jobs because we were such a big family.  I don’t recall every go to church as a child.  Only time as a child going to church was VBS and a church bus picked up the kids in the neighborhood to take us to VBS.

I was pretty athletic.  Was in gymnastics, volleyball and my favorite sport was softball. All the kids in the subdivision were always out playing some games.  I played softball in middle school and some in high school. I played on two women’s teams and a coed team after high school.  Met my husband he also played softball, we married and still played softball just about every evening one of us or both had a game.  Time went by we decided to start a family.

We still played softball after we started our family and God blessed us with two girls.  My husband was raised in the country every time we visited his parents in the country, I loved it more and more each time.  I knew that was where I wanted t to raise our daughters.  Now in my mid to late twenties, having two kids on a small farm we had our work ahead of us. My husband worked in Louisville, so I had a lot to do.

We got settled in our home, there was so much that had to be done, repairs on the barn, fields needed to be mowed and cleaned off.  As time went by, we found a church to go to, it was a nice church.  Sometime went by and our girls were both in school, we got involved with things in the church, VBS, Sunday School, church camp, mission trips.

A few years had gone by and as our daughter was growing up and getting active in things at church and sports in school, we were kept more and more busy.  We were involved with bible study, taking care of the farm and I was happy with all the things in our life.  But I wasn’t sure how or when or even why I was feeling lost, depressed, and alone.  For months I felt like this, I would ask God to help me asking Him, why I am feeling like this since I have a great family, helping in church, trying to do what God wanted me to do.

I started having bad dreams, then nightmares.  Voices telling me you don’t deserve the life you have, telling me I am useless and undeserving of all that I have.  Months went by and the bad dreams and nightmares just got worse.  I was afraid even more when my husband went to work, and my kids went to school because I didn’t want to be left alone.  Not knowing who to talk to because I thought if I did, they would think I was crazy.  So, I lived a sheltered life and kept all of what I was experiencing to myself.

Not knowing where to turn, and afraid to go to sleep because of the dreams, I kept my self-busy all day on the farm and being with my friend from church.  That was the only way I could find any peace.  I so much wanted to open up about the emptiness I was feeling with my husband, but I couldn’t find the right way to do it.

Weeks went by and I was mentally and physically drained.  I kept asking God what do you want from me?  Telling God that I had given all I have to give to him.  A few days later I know what I was going to do, so I decided to give up.  I wrote a letter to my husband and kids telling them goodbye.  After they left that morning for work and school, I went on my journey.  I walked the hills and hollers on our farm for hours.  I got lost and couldn’t figure out where I was in the woods.  I got on top of this one big holler where this field opened up and as I walked, I came upon a pond.  I sat down and just started crying out to God to please help me I don’t want to die.  I couldn’t crying and then it got very quiet and the air was still.  I heard this soft voice saying my name Deania over and over again for three to four times.

I stood up and started running, telling God I surrender to you, and I will give you all of me.  I stopped and got on my knees and started to pray for God to save me.  I let God in my heart while I was crying so hard.  Then I felt a warm breeze go through my body, I was unafraid and felt peace.

Quickly I ran home across the field to get the letter that I had left on the table for others to read.  When I opened to door to our home, I saw my husband holding the letter as he was crying.  He turned and saw me and gave me a hug like I had never experienced before.  All I could say is I’m sorry about the letter, but I am now saved by God.  We held each other as we both cried tears of joy.

My husband called our Pastor to come visit.  When the Pastor arrived I shared with him all that I had been dealing with for months as I battled evil thoughts in my mind to the point I was prepared to end my life.  I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ and was saved as I turned my heart over to him.

My life changed after that for the better.  I don’t ever let evil thoughts over take the good in my life for now I live for Jesus.

My hope is that whoever reads my testimony will also surrender their life to Jesus.  All Jesus needs is a heart that is open to accept him as Lord and Savior.

I start everyday out with talking to God and go to bed at night in prayer.  He is my comfort and peace.

God didn’t give up on me, I gave up on him and myself.  He was with me the who time waiting for me for let him in my heart.  Jesus is also waiting on you!!!